“Blade Runner: 2049” – as viewed by John V. Karavitis

SPOILER ALERT: I will reveal all, so LOOK AWAY if you are offended by SPOILERS.

Deckard and Rachel had a daughter on 6-10-21, but Rachel died giving birth. She and Deckard were attended by other Replicants. The girl was sent to an orphanage (if you can really call it that!), to hide her. Deckard’s “mission” was to not know what had happened to her, and where she was taken.

Flash forward to 2049. Ryan Gosling plays a replicant who is set to retire older model Nexus 8 (yes, “8”, not “6”). His latest assignment has him stumble upon the grave/ossuary of Rachel’s bones. An analysis shows that the bones were female, that she had given birth by caesarean, and that SHE WAS A REPLICANT. (Quickly determined to be Rachel.) His supervisor, played by the MILF-ishly hawt Robin Wright, tasks him with finding the child.

Jared Leto plays this blind one-percenter, “Niander Wallace”, who created some kind of artificial biology that was used to make farms produce a lot of food. (Durr durr durr, they could create human beings from scratch, but not crops to eat? WTF???) He was thereby also able to buy what was left of the Tyrell Corporation, which had gone bankrupt because of all the replicant uprisings. He used Tyrell’s technology to create replicants that were more obedient. But he knew that Tyrell had discovered a way to make replicants reproduce “naturally”, although this knowledge was lost. (Apparently there was some kind of social implosion that left the world in the dark “for ten days”, and a lot of records from before the blackout were lost forever.)

Gosling’s investigation, and a memory triggered by seeing the date “6-10-21” carved at the bottom of the tree over which Rachel’s bones had been buried, lead him to believe that HE might be the miracle child. The triggered memory leads him to the orphanage, where he finds the wooden horse that he remembered having as a child, and hiding from bullies at the orphanage. So he REALLY believes that he is the Miracle (Replicant) Child.

The records at the orphanage were torn out of the record books, and he ends up at the laboratory of the woman who creates replicant memories. She is trapped behind a wall of glass, because she has a compromised immune system. Gosling asks her to tell him whether his memory is real or not, and she confirms that it is real.

Gosling is arrested outside this lab. When they test him at police HQ (by the way, everyone at police HQ, and even at this slum apartment building, KNOW that he is a replicant! WTF?!?!?!), he fails their current version of the Voight-Kampf Test. (He is WAY over “baseline”.) His boss, the still scrumptious ROBIN WRIGHT, gives him a way to escape the building, since he claims to have gotten rid of this Miracle Child, and thus averted a war (which makes no sense, since all the older model replicants s/h/b/ mostly wiped out, so, WTF?), but he has to return in 48 hours and re-take the test, and be “at baseline” once more.

Gosling ends up in Las Vegas, where Deckard is hiding. Deckard has trip wires all over the place, and we are unfortunately subjected to seeing Marilyn Monroe and Elvis via holographic projection in the lounge that they end up in. Deckard can throw a mean punch (and two and three and four and five), but Gosling is on top of things. (At NO point in the movie do they come out and flat out say that Deckard is a replicant. FYI, HE’S NOT, so SUCK IT, losers!)

Gosling and Deckard chat, and everyone, including Gosling, must think that HE is the Miracle Replicant Child. (He’s not.) Niander Wallace’s replicant bitch finds them and captures Deckard, but leaves Gosling behind. Wallace wants to know where the Miracle Replicant Child is, and thinks that only Deckard knows, so Gosling is expendable.

Gosling is found by the other replicants, who believe that, if one of theirs can produce a child, then they are more than just slaves (and here the “more human than human” line is uttered by one of them). Meanwhile, Wallace is interrogating Deckard, and suggests that Tyrell INTENTIONALLY SET UP DECKARD TO MEET RACHEL AND FALL IN LOVE WITH HER, in order to get them to procreate. STILL, there is NO affirmation that Deckard is a replicant. AND HE IS NOT!

The replicants tell Gosling that they are ready to rise up and fight, which is what his boss, Robin “Hubba Hubba Still HAWT at Her AGE!” Wright was afraid of. (She had been killed by Wallace’s replicant bitch right after Gosling went to Las Vegas to find Deckard.)

Suffice it to say, Wallace wants to take Deckard off-world to torture the location of his Miracle Replicant Child out of him (I guess there’s no torture like off-world torture!), Gosling chases after them, Gosling and the replicant bitch FIGHT (bitch can handle a blade, you have been warned!). Gosling ends up strangling her and saving Deckard.

ENDING: Gosling takes Deckard to go see his daughter, who is the woman with the compromised immune system who creates the memories for the replicants. Gosling hands Deckard the wooden horse from his memory. Deckard goes inside the lab building. Gosling sits down on the steps of the lab building, and looks at his wound in his belly, from the knife fight with Wallace’s replicant bitch. He lays back, and, while staring up at the sky and the snowflakes (fucking Mother Nature can’t make up her fucking mind about the weather in this flick! WTF?!?!?), he dies, with that Roy Batty end-of-the-first-movie music playing. We then see Deckard enter his daughter’s lab, and he introduces himself. (Not as her father, though, at least, as far as I can remember.)

ADDENDUM: The Miracle Replicant Child, although proving that replicants can indeed be created so that they can give birth, came down with a compromised immune system, making her WORTHLESS for slave labor, dontcha think? Also, I’ve left out the holographic AI that Gosling has a “love relationship” with. But it’s no big deal.

I saw this movie in a Dolby Cinema theater. Fucking sound is LOUD AS FUCK, and the bass makes the seats rattle. (I hope people know that persistent rattling like that, even by noise, eventually weakens the structure of any building, no matter how well built. Make sure those insurance policies and premium payments are kept up to date!) But the visuals are stunning, indeed, we were given a comparison during the trailers for upcoming movies. Visually, Dolby Cinema rocks. PLUS, and this is something I loved VERY MUCH, I had to go on the web and RESERVE MY SEAT! RESERVED SEATS, THICK AND SOFT LEATHER, WITH FOOTREST AND RECLINE CONTROL!  I loved it!

I will return later and add little bits and pieces, as I see fit. Overall, glad to have “closure” re what happened to Deckard and Rachel, but the movie was about 150 minutes long. TOO FUCKING LONG! And no intermission. A movie or documentary that long should have a courtesy 10 minute intermission.


PEACE! (Between humans and replicants, which was the point of the first movie, AND THE REASON WHY DECKARD CAN NOT BE A REPLICANT!)


About johnvkaravitis

Senior Financial Analyst: Energy, Insurance, IT consulting, Pharmaceuticals, Publishing, Real Estate
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