In the past I’ve had to rely on a number of temp agencies / employment agencies to find contract / temp work. (They always like to dangle the possibility that the temp work might turn into a REAL (?) full-time permanent job. It never does.) My personal experience since the late 1980s is that temp agencies are cocksucking lying scumbags.
Well, I had been trying to reach Robert Half all of last week (I got back from my marathon run in Japan, and I was eager to get back to work ASAP), but the chickenshit recruiters that with whom I had interviewed or spoken with over the phone had curiously not returned ANY of my voicemails or my emails. Today when I called to speak with Andrew Heller, the receptionist IMMEDIATELY sent me to voice mail. She didn’t even have the decency to lie and let his phone ring. I knew that she had sent me right to voice mail, and, you know, it’s probably a voicemail account that they never check. It’s probably where they send people they don’t want to speak with to leave voicemails. You think that doesn’t happen?
So I called right away and asked to speak with another of their recruiters, Brian O’Shea. The receptionist recognized my voice, and asked haltingly if I were on an assignment or looking for work. When I replied that I was looking for work, she said that Brian was unavailable. So then I asked for Andrew Scheussler (I think I misspelled this ass-monkey’s name). He’s always sending me Instant Messages to my cellphone for contract assignments that he never follows up on. (I wonder why that is.) Anyway, I’m told that Andrew is not available, so I get one of their other staffing managers, Kevin Morrissey. When I FINALLY get a live human being on the phone, I learn that my resume hadn’t been updated in their system, even though I had interviewed AGAIN at their office just a couple of months ago! WTF?!?!?!? I got an email from Kevin and replied back with my current resume. Hopefully, Kevin Morrissey is a bit more on the ball than the other ass-monkeys at Robert Half’s downtown Chicago office.
Anyway, back to the topic of this post. I had just finished going to Indeed.com, applying for any financial analyst position I could find, when my cellphone rang. The display showed “Connect Search”. I had worked through these ass-monkeys back in late 2013-early 2014, right before my trip to Tokyo for the marathon there. I wondered why they would be calling ME, since we did not part on the best of terms. (They couldn’t find me anything more than scut work that didn’t match my background, and finally, they stopped finding me work altogether.) Anyway, first things first, the caller must have been a newly hired recruiter there. He didn’t know who I was, or that I had worked for Connect Search in the past! BAD MOVE, ASS-MONKEY! Right off the bat, I asked him if he had me on speakerphone, since I could hear the echo of my own replies to him. HINT: WHen you hear your own voice echoing back to you, YOU ARE ON SPEAKERPHONE, even if the ass-monkey temp agency lies otherwise. Well, he wanted to talk to me about an opportunity that they had, and I said “Okay.” He then asked about the company that I had recently worked at. I asked him point blank how HE knew that information, since I hadn’t spoken with these cockroaches in over a year, and he said that he had pulled my resume off of Indeed.com! BINGO! Further proof that a lot of these job ads on the job boards, like CareerBuilder, are all BULLSHIT.
Someone must have walked by to see whether he had “caught a live one”, because the tone of his voice changed drastically. It became more guarded and anxious. Anyway, the bullshit alleged job opportunity was one that I knew I did not have enough experience to handle properly, and I told him so. He thanked me for being honest (too bad I can’t return the courtesy to these lying scumbag temp agencies), and I asked him to send me a contact email. He said he would. (Guess what? HE STILL HASN’T, AND I KNOW HE WON’T! Did I forget to mention “lying scumbag temp agencies”? LMFAO!)
Further proof that the job market in Shitcago / Chicago is dead, further proof that temp agencies will always be the lying scumbag turd-eaters that they always have been. Hey, Connect Search! Train your new-hire ass-monkey recruiters better! When you’ve put someone on a DNU (Do Not Use) list, make sure they cross-reference any resumes and names they’ve stumbled across on CareerBuilder, Indeed, etc., etc., etc.
Oh, and P.S.: DROP DEAD.